Frequently Asked Questions

Q:

Is this book about Tango?

A:

If you’re wondering whether you’ll learn to dance Tango by reading this book, then the answer is definitely NO!  This is not a dance book, nor is it about dancing.  It is about my personal journey of self-discovery through Tango.  I learned to dance Tango so that you don’t have to!  The many valuable, life-related lessons I learned from this dance, and then applied to everyday life, is what I share with you.  But if you ARE a dancer, it will certainly help you become a better one.

Q:

Isn't  “Tao” a religion, and what's it got to do with “Tango”?

A:

Taoism is an ancient eastern philosophy which believes that everything in the universe has its own natural balance already within it, even men and women.  Going against that nature makes us unhappy.  The more we fight our inner nature, the unhappier we are.  Balance and harmony result when we respect and follow that nature.  And in almost every sense, this philosophy applies perfectly to Tango.

Q:

What do you mean by "energy opposites"?

A:

Everything in the universe has active and/or passive energy.  In humans, we call these energies male and female energies.  Active (or male) energy is what we use for writing, teaching, movement.  Passive (or female) energy is what we use for reading, learning, thought.  It has nothing to do with being a man or a women: both have both energies, and need them to be balanced and happy.

Q:

What if I can’t dance and don’t want to learn?

A:

If becoming a more balanced individual depended on being a good dancer, half of the world's spiritual leaders would flunk!  Tango is simply a metaphor for balance, and is only used as an example of how extreme opposites can and do work very well together to create a third, very beautiful thing.  Once you understand your opposite energies, you can strengthen them with almost any activity.

Q:

Can you strengthen your energies with any activity?

A:

Once you recognize and experience the opposites in yourself, any activity can be used to strengthen your energies, since just about everything requires the use of both energies.  Tennis (hitting the ball/waiting for the ball), or chess (moving/waiting to move), to name a couple.  Whatever your favorite activity is, take a moment and think of it's two separate phases.  Just by becoming aware of these opposite energies you are already beginning to strengthen each!

Q:

What’s “female energy” and if I'm a guy, why do I need it?

A:

Female energy refers to nothing more than passive energy.  It is neither good, bad, weak, or for women only.  Women naturally have predominant female energy and men have predominantly male energy.  But both men and women have and NEED both energies, and they constantly shift back and forth, such as in a conversation.  If, for example, you are often accused of not listening, it simply means you have weak female energy.

Q:

What’s the difference between “energy” and “behavior”?

A:

Understanding the difference is crucial for personal growth.  “Acceptable” behaviors can vary from person to person, city to city, country to country.  Let’s take greeting as an example.  In the U.S., it is commonly considered aberrant for men to hug, much less kiss!  Even a father and son that have not seen each other in years will often greet with nothing more than a vigorous handshake.  By contrast, in many Mideast and Latin-American countries men frequently hug and kiss each other in public, upon meeting and departing.  Energy, on the other hand, is always simply active or passive, no matter what the situation.  In a conversation for example, talking is the active phase, and listening is the passive phase.  But HOW they're done is "behavior", such as talking loudly or softly, shouting, whispering, singing, etc.  Listening can be done attentively, idly, arrogantly, etc.

Q:

If I change my energy balance, is it going to change my personality?

A:

The short answer is NO!  I had that very same fear when, years ago, I was about to try meditation.  All I could think of was that I didn't want to be a walking zombie.  Despite my best efforts, zombie-ism was not that easily attained...The longer answer is that as we grow, certain things about us will change, and we will want them to change, such as our ability to control our anger or to be less judgmental.  If, however, you enjoy truck pulls, or you don’t want to wear pink or eat bean sprouts, no amount of energy balancing is gonna change that.  Balancing your energies is just like getting in shape by going to the gym.  It will positively affect your response ability to any situation and/or person.

Q:

Why did you start dancing Tango?

A:

Like most journeys of transformation, mine was launched as the result of personal despair.  Friends seeking to console me invited me to dance Tango and simply would not take “no” for an answer!  I knew in the very first moment that this was something much more important than learning steps!  And while I recognize that dancing is not for everyone, the lessons I gained from it are applicable to everyday life, which is why I wrote The Tao of Tango.

Q:

Is Tango better than any other dance?

A:

Although I've tried many other dances, Tango provided the clearest experience of energy opposites.  Most other dances have a lot of structure, and are based on very simple footwork.  Both of these elements make it unnecessary for the partners to be constantly focused on each other since they can fall into a pattern.  Tango, however, is highly improvisational, which requires intense focus from both partners in order to be successful.  In Tango, even if the male leads (active energy) and the woman follows (passive energy), the man must then wait for the woman to finish the step he’s led: the energies are shifted.  This creates the perfect learning environment for both people to experience both energies.  That said, however, once you recognize and experience these energies in yourself, ANY dance (or activity) will provide an opportunity to strengthen them.

Q:

What are the exercises in the book for?

A:

While these are NOT dance exercises, they are primarily designed to help you develop self-awareness, which can make you a better dancers.  Without first developing your self-awareness, it is virtually impossible to make any changes in your life, no matter what method you use.  The easiest exercises (which are done by yourself) can be done anywhere, anytime, and no one will even know you're doing them!  The more "advanced" exercises (done with a partner) are designed to help you experience your opposite energies on a physical level, which helps to "demystify" them.  Once you can identify these energies, ANY activity you do becomes an opportunity to develop and balance these energies, which will help lead to a more harmonious life.

Q:

I'm a guy.  Are you saying I've got to become more womanly to attract women?!

A:

You've got a problem with that?  Just kidding!!  Of course not!  The terms "male" and "female" energy are what we call passive and active energy in humans.  Energy in and of itself is neither "womanly" nor "manly", "good" or "bad".  A conversation, for example, is a perfect example of a balanced use of these opposite energies: one person talks (active/male energy), one person listens (passive/female energy).  If both of you are using male/active energy, a shouting match is sure to ensue!  So strengthening your passive/female energy will definitely help make you a better listener.  And THAT, my friend, is a huge turn-on for women.